Relationship Roadmap for the Ladies

DISCLAIMER: THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ARE BROAD AND MEANT TO SPEAK OF NORMAL, RESPONSIBLE, CONSIDERATE MEN, IN TYPICAL RELATIONSHIPS. ALSO, IT IS IMPORTANT TO KNOW YOURSELF AND YOUR PARTNER,  BE AWARE OF EACH PERSON'S INDIVIDUAL STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES AND JUDGE EACH SITUATION ACCORDINGLY. FURTHERMORE, I BELIEVE THAT EACH WOMAN HAS THE ABILITY AND RIGHT TO CHOOSE WHOM SHE BECOMES INVOLVED WITH. IT IS MY UNDERSTANDING THAT A WOMAN SHOULD NEVER ENTER INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN THAT IN GENUINELY LESS INTELLIGENT THAN SHE. NOTICE I SAID LESS INTELLIGENT, NOT LESS EDUCATED. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO. A LESS INTELLIGENT OR UNINTELLIGENT MAN HAS LITTLE OR NO COMMON SENSE AND GENERALLY NO SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY. LESS EDUCATED SIMPLY SPEAKS TO BOOK KNOWLEDGE. I DO NOT CONDONE CHEATING (SEXUAL UNFAITHFULNESS) IN ANY FORM.



In my dealings as a friend, confidant and acquaintance to many fellows, I have noticed many congruent issues that men have in relationships with women. Oddly enough, many guys that I speak with complain of the same three or four complications. There is a book that was published in 1992 that states "Men are From Mars, Women Are from Venus", and while I agree with some of the information, I feel that there are more simple ways to understand and relate to your mate. Secret: MEN ARE SIMPLE!!! It is my goal to illuminate a few of the issues and offer solutions to those issues, so that women are able to better understand their men. The reward for these simple understandings is a much more pliable man... What lady wouldn't love that?!

The majority of men are mainly concerned about a few issues in relationships;  They include, but are not limited to SEX, MONEY, DIPLOMACY, CUISINE and DEFERENCE. I'll delve into each topic briefly.

When is comes to SEX, the old adage almost always applies: "Men want a Lady in the Streets and a Freak in the Sheets". Understanding, embracing and embodying that statement will begin to smooth out ANY relationship. It's not a secret, men are visually and sexually driven. What does this mean to the Ladies? If nothing else but the sex is right in a relationship, you can still have a docile and ductile man, who is more prone to conform to your wishes. Since the ways in which a man is stimulated are known, here are some ways to step up your game:

1. Don't be afraid to improve or begin a Lingerie collection. If your man sees it, and it is appealing, he'll be drawn in. This will speak to him that you want to put your best parts forward and you are aware of what he likes and desires. BUILD an INTIMATE BOND

2. Don't be afraid to talk dirty. Men love to hear all the raunchy things that you'd like to do to him, and all of the things that you'd like done to you. This will tell him that you're fearless and comfortable. Also, it will show him that he's not alone in his sexual fantasies. You're more relative. STRENGTHEN the INTIMATE BOND.

3. Don't be afraid to try new positions. Pick up a copy of The Pocket Kama Sutra. It will enlighten you on many unconventional positions that will undoubtedly enthrall your mate. STOKE THAT FIRE!!

4. Keep the Sex faucet TURNED ON!!!!!! For some reason, the speculated answer to a fight or disagreement (to women) is to shut the sex down. This is one of the worst mistakes that any woman can make. Not having sex with your man will not bend him to your will. It will alienate you! If he's not getting it from you......... KEEP THE PIPES FLOWING!!

MONEY matters are another point of serious contention in relationships. Money makes the world work. Everyone needs money. Most women won't date a guy that has no money or no means to make money, and most definitely wouldn't stay with a man that has no job or income. This point alone, makes it imperative to men to keep money. Many men also realize that having money will get you into doors that having looks and charm can not. In the relationship dynamic, many men embrace the fact that it is their job to Lead, Guide, and PROVIDE. Taking this seriously, it is essential to save, budget and be conscientious when spending funds. If a woman is more interested in shopping and spending, than helping to ensure the relationship's financial security, there will always be a point of friction. Here is some help.

1. Get on the same page when it comes to financial matters. Be willing to save and spend when the budget permits. If he's trying to save for a nest egg, and you're always trying to go to Louis Vuitton , it puts an unnecessary strain on him. Furthermore, there's no point in having a $2000 bag, and it be empty!!!

2. Try to trust your man's financial decisions. Remember that he is not perfect, but he is, at the end of the day, responsible for your relationships direction. It should be fairly easy to relinquish... Remember this key point: It things go (monetarily) well, you both look great. If they go horribly, the blame is almost automatically placed on the man. Let him fulfill that role, and you trust your man. This will give added confidence in his abilities and provide the mettle to actually make even better decisions.

DIPLOMACY: This one should be short and sweet. Having diplomatic skills involves being able to relate and communicate to all people in diverse and sometimes difficult situations. A man will be more apt to introduce you to his family and friends (thus allowing you to enter his inner sanctum) if he is sure you won't embarrass him, and you will be well received. Here are a few things to master:

1. Be well versed in many things; Current Events, Popular Culture, and relevant literature. This will show that you are urbane and not typical and self-absorbed.

2. Know how to properly carry on a conversation (i.e. Listen....Talk....Listen....Talk). Being loud and interruptive are not attractive characteristics. Be respectful. It speaks volumes about who you truly are and assuredly puts your best foot forward.

3. Be well spoken. NOTHING is more repellent than holding a conversation with a woman who does not know how to properly express herself and who constantly uses slang, and colloquialisms. The more you read, the better your vocabulary should become. Also, think about a thesaurus too.

CUISINE is another hotbed of dissension in relationships. I've heard it said that "The Way to a Man's Heart is through His Stomach" This rings true in my book. One thing that a majority of women seem to be failing at is cooking. MEN LIKE TO EAT!!! We enjoy great food, and delicious provender. 9 times out of 10, your man doesn't want you to be a master chef. He does, however, have a few favorite dishes that he enjoys immensely and would like to have more often than not. Pay attention. See what he always orders at his favorite restaurant. Go a step farther; Ask his mom for some recipes to the things that he loves. This will build a great bond between you and his mom, and also show him that you are aware of his desires and likes, and committed to taking the time to prepare sustenance for him.

Last but not least is DEFERENCE: The dictionary defines Deference as "Submitting humbly to (a person or a person's wishes or qualities)". Being in a relationship is [by default] saying that you actively want and choose to be with a significant other, yet many men find themselves in relationships with women who seem to prefer hanging out with their gal pals. It is one thing take a meal from time to time to catch up with the girls, but when you're spending an equal amount of time with friends as with your mate, serious problems will ensue. Your man knows you have options (everyone does) but he, being in a relationship with you, wants to know that you choose him above all else. He wants to know that you want and choose to be with him; that, what he is to you, trumps anything the girls have to offer. This will help to solidify your bond, and make him defer to you also.

COMMON SENSE: Get to know your man. Learn his fetishes and fantasies, his financial fears, goals and aspirations. Be a diplomat. Understand his sensibilities, and learn his appetite. These are simple ways to improve your personal relations and his perception of you. As you desire for him to be more pliable, you be that too. Don't be unwilling to do something that some other woman would gladly do to take your man away. We all know that the woman-to-man ratio is high. When you find a good man, do what it takes to keep him, and build a wonderful life together.

Love, Peace and COMMON SENSE


       



                                                                                                                                                                                                               

A Rose By Any other Name... is UNEMPLOYED!!!

In my occupation working with children, I often come across many different names. It seems that over the last 30 years, people have been searching for increasingly unorthodox names for their children. Now, this would seem like forward movement when naming heirs, however, like with anything in life, people get an inch and take miles. Common names like John, Susan, Peter, Amy and Katherine have been replaced by names like Apple, Storm, Cobb, Ash, and more ethnic names like Keisha, LaQuisha, Precious, Shaniqua, DeVante, TyQuan, Jimique and Jurmoney.

This sad epidemic (to me) seems to be a direct reflection of peoples' admiration of our entertainment industry's carte blanche with kid's names, and a desire to go beyond the walls of normalcy when choosing them. Unfortunately, people don't seem to understand that working in the music, television and movie industry puts one in another world when it comes to jobs, working and money. Actor A who makes 10 to 20 million per film will typically have a trust fund set up for their child, so the child may never have to work a normal job, or submit a resume for employment. Musician B, will receive royalties from albums and songs for years to come, so their child may never have to join the general workforce. However, Citizen X who reads all the celebrity gossip rags and is besotted with celebrity goings-on, gives little thought to what they name their child, following suit to the Hollywood trend, thus dwindling chances for future employment for their offspring.

How many CEO's do you know of named Jahmal? How many billionaires or millionaires have names with prefixes like Sha, Qua, Tre, and Ty? There have been numerous studies concerning discrimination in hiring practices when choosing between candidates with traditional vs. non-traditional names. Common sense would tell one to think of these things, and give their child every advantage when it comes to their adult life, even with something as seemingly insignificant as a name. Sadly enough, the trend still continues, and we have masses of people who may be very well qualified, but their given name stops their progress from the start.

I would just like to admonish all my readers, before you start trying to keep it real when naming your child, or try to keep up with the Jonses' over in Hollywood, think of your child filling out a job application in 20 years. Think if the name you're getting ready to give your kid will help them or hinder them. I'm not saying go back to naming every child Tom, Dick, Harry, or Ann, Sarah or Margaret. I'm just asking for a second thought before going with a name that has no meaning, or that was invented in the last 30 years!

Peace, Love and Common Sense!

Just for kicks...